


Prussia is Barney.... the Dinosaur

by Kitrina_the_Great



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-16
Updated: 2015-04-16
Packaged: 2018-03-23 04:33:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3754705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitrina_the_Great/pseuds/Kitrina_the_Great
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The bad touch trio get jobs in children's television.  What could possibly go wrong?<br/>(rated teen for language, nothing else)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Public television will never be the same.

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted on the hetalia kink meme.

Prussia took off the large purple head, and forced the foam body costume into a sitting position among the circle of 3 to 5-year-olds. Sweat caused his snow-white hair to cling to his forehead. Clearly, this was a sign that no man-sized, foam suit was capable of containing as much awesome as he possessed!

The show's "director" (for lack of a better term for some unawesome loser who gets stuck organizing the filming of a kiddie show) was making frantic motions with his arms for Prussia to put the round, smiling head back on. Gilbert wisely ignored the paunchy, balding man.

"Listen up, kids, 'cause Uncle Gilbert has some news for ya!" His red eyes flashed over the bright and shinning faces (admittedly, some were shinning from the tears running down their cheeks). "This isn't right! You all are way too awesome for this made-up dinosaur crap!"

"Gilbert!" A definitely male voice scolded from the costume of the green, female dinosaur as a blond girl in pigtails burst into a loud sob.

"Aw shit!" Gilbert swore at seeing the sweet, little face cry. "Come here, princess," he said motioning with his large purple hand. "Sit on your awesome, Uncle Gilbert's lap! Minions! Fetch me my Gilbird!"

As the now very frightened little girl made her way to Prussia's lap, the green dinosaur could be heard muttering "The name is Baby Bop," followed by a string of French swear words. The other 'minion' promptly came forward with a small, yellow chick in his over-sized yellow hands.

Gilbert held out his purple hand to Gilbird, who promptly hopped over to it. "Now see this?" Prussia asked the quieted, but still crying girl. "This is Gilbird. She's awesome. You kids should be out doin' awesome stuff like finding birds." The girl had stopped crying by this point and was completely enraptured by the sight of the small, fluffy bird. All of the children were. All eyes and ears were focused on 'Uncle Gilbert' and his awesome speech.... except for Billy. Billy had ADHD and was currently wondering why the green, _girl_ dinosaur was walking into the boy's bathroom off-set.

"Or out playing football! Or taking over smaller countries!" Prussia continued on his speech. "Or drinking beer until you can't stand up!"

"They're a little young for beer, amigo," the yellow dinosaur reminded his friend.

"Fine, fine. Yoohoo and rum! The point is...."

 

 

Three weeks later Gilbert still couldn't understand how he got fired.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus conversation.

"Fine, fine. Yoohoo and rum! The point is -"

"Uh... I think they are a little young for rum as well, _amigo_ ," Spain interrupted before Prussia could make his point.

"Really?" the albino asked incredulously. "How about brandy?"

"No."

"Bourbon?"

"No."

"Scotch?"

"No."

"Vodka?"

"No."

"Whiskey?"

"No."

"Gin?"

"No."

"Tequila?!???"

"No."

"Well for fuck's sake? What _can_ these cute little bastards drink Spa-, I mean, PJ?"

"It's BJ."

"What the hell kind of alcohol is that?"

"No. BJ is my name. Remember?"

"My minion's name is Blow Job?!?!" Prussia sputtered. "Man! Not awesome! We are on a fucking kiddie show! Use some common sense, Antonio. I'd expect that kind of shit from the French pervert over there, but not you."


End file.
